This post originally appeared on Medium. It’s a somewhat cohesive but rambling post about what the IT front line really needs on an individual level and what I’ve seen as the breaking point for a lot of peers and colleagues in the past. Mental toughness isn’t just some buzzword, but it takes many forms in the way of patience, empathy, measured aggression, and sometimes good old fashioned silence.

Mental Toughness in IT

To be up front this post is long, and may not be exactly what you’re looking for. If you’re in IT and want to figure out how to motivate yourself and your team, read on — feedback is welcome, and your experiences even more so. If you’re looking for how to use PowerShell to automate your workflow, there are a million articles and forums I can point you to. I noticed a desert of IT related content when relating to the mindset, service, attitude, and general execution of the job on a day-to-day. I can teach you skills and technologies, but attitude, discipline, accountability — these are some of the hardest skills to sharpen, but if you commit, you’ll be better. This post was a result of listening/watching a ton of Jocko Willink recently and reflecting on my life, professionally and personally. There’s a decent chance this isn’t for you, but hey — to be on brand I own that, and I thank you for taking a look.

Perception is reality.

That simple saying, relayed to me by a former manager in a former career in retail leadership, has stuck with me. It’s taken a few different forms, and been compounded by feedback like “you might not agree with criticism, but you have to listen to it”, but regardless of my status or position, I always come back to it and remind myself of that simple fact. Perception is reality, in that the way others perceive you, is their reality of you — that’s exactly how they know or view you.

Through evolution, maturity, and a bit of adversity here and there, I’ve been able to hone a valuable skill: Mental Toughness. Don’t mistake mental toughness or the ability to let things roll off your back as apathy. Mental toughness is the ability to Let’s walk through the benefits of mental toughness to an IT person, as working in the trenches on a daily basis, it’s easy to spot those that possess it, and those that need work.

Perception. Is. Reality.

Call comes in — the network is down. COO walks over to the desk and asks why email isn’t flowing. Account manager shoots an email asking why the hell the client has had a five fold increase in incident tickets in a week. Far too often I see folks panic, escalate without cause, or even go completely silent when difficult situations arise. In today’s reactive IT world we’re not afforded the luxury of dealing with issues on our time, it’s on client/user time.

How you handle each of these situations is vital to perception. The best way to understand how to act under fire as an IT pro is to understand first and foremost, you’re in a service industry. The days of IT being the jerks people are forced to call and hate interacting with are long gone, and if you’re clinging to that notion, have fun stuffing it into your banker’s box when the doors are locked behind you.

On the phone, and the call that network is out — how do you react? Calm, cool, collected — smooth — measured. Someone is calling you, and they’re having a really bad day all of a sudden. Be concise, direct, and get the info you need from your caller quickly. You’re basically the Technology Doctor, and you’ve got to have stellar bedside manner. Here’s a quick example mental checklist;

- First — calm your own nerves. Take your Woo-sah moment and go into action mode. The caller/COO/AM doesn’t have time for you to not know what to do. React, but most importantly ACT. Recognize that the moment this call/interaction begins, you own it!

- Identify and empathize — let the caller know you know this sucks, but you’ve got the right team and we’re going to fix it ASAP.

- Gather info — callback numbers, emails, what exactly can’t they get working, what are they trying to do, who else is having the issue, how many sites. Notate everything you can possibly think of that anyone else might need, and if you don’t know what the other team might need…ASK THEM. If you need to relay info later, “I don’t know” isn’t a valid answer.

Validate all the above, and commit to follow up…then FOLLOW UP. “I’ll call you back in 20 minutes” means you’re on the phone dialing in 19 minutes. No excuses.

If you read that list, and nothing is revolutionary, then good. Execute on it consistently. You at least know what you should be doing when things go sideways — but do you always keep your cool and hit every point? Does your team? Do your peers? If not, what are YOU doing to help them be the best teammate they can be. If you’ve read Medium/LinkedIn or most any business journal, or have heard a member of management talk about any failure — what can it all be traced back to? Communication.

Cool, Calm, Collected.

There’s a reason this is considered a favorable description of a person. It’s also a great strategy for not freaking out. It’s also a great way to make sure you don’t freak everyone else out. Think about it — if you saw a firefighter running away from some flames screaming they don’t know what to do…you might freak out a bit too. You’ve got a C-level at your desk and they want to know what the hell is happening. It’s your job to ensure them that something is happening, and you’ll keep them apprised, without showing flop sweat or the fact that you’re not really sure why emails for a deal that closes at 4 isn’t shooting out at 3:40.

Cool yourself — nothing good comes of getting reactionary, emotional, or aggressive.

Calm yourself — see: cool yourself. Getting worked up when you can’t snap your finger and fix it in the moment does no good, and arguably more harm. find your center, your zero — and get there quickly. It could be the Woosah, or it could be deep breathing, or it could be thinking about baseball, hell I don’t know — find it. do it.

Collect yourself — see: cool yourself, calm yourself. You’re a professional — act like it and let’s get the job done.

Remind yourself that outward confidence and calm projects much better than frustration, anger, and in general any emotion other than assurance and empathy. Funny thing, as I write this I just got a call from a user on the opposite coast having trouble — I couldn’t get a team member to help while I was also tied up on another more pressing issue. I got frustrated, upset, borderline pissed off. Then I came back to this tab and reminded myself, it’s fine — I’ve got this. Lo and behold I was able to cool off, calm down, and collect myself, and both issues resolved nearly instantly. All this with no outward-facing signs of distress or frustration.

Let’s be frank: IT isn’t universally loved.

Like most jobs it can be a real bummer to only get the problems other people have all day, but think about your user — they need to get this report done so the firm can pull in another $30mm in funding. They need to figure out how to print this doc with markup so they can get the NDA back to the client and sign this damn deal. And guess what — they’re looking at you to get what you might consider basics done well, and quick. To totally borrow military phrasing: embrace the suck.

What does mental toughness mean in IT? It means rolling with the punches, it means being a motivator for your users to embrace and love the technology they’re trusted with. It means knowing, understanding, and reminding yourself that things fail, including people. It means even if you’re having a bad day from 5p to 6a, you put on professional face at 7a and you make damn sure this infrastructure stays steady all day.

Mental toughness is essential to being able to walk out at the end of the day and say “It was a good one, and tomorrow will be better”. You’ve got to be able to check it at the door in all respects, personal stays personal, and professional stays professional.

How do I do it? How do I build it?

I can’t guide your ship, but I can point you toward the right sea. Sticking with pirate metaphors because I mean, we always should;

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the comfort zone. Stagnation. Think of that puddle that has grime and mold and mildew on it…why? Because the water refuses to move. It just collects all that…stuff. But what if we forced it to move? The water shakes it off and and becomes clear(ish), it moves quickly — even if subjectively slow, faster than it was. Be like water. Put yourself out there, challenge yourself. You are smart, you are a leader, and you can do it damn it. Just. Go. Do. Look, I’m not a motivational speaker, I don’t even know if anyone will read this. But if nothing else, this is a reminder to myself. You’re capable of incredible things, and you will constantly underestimate yourself. Jump.

I perform my best when I have no earthly idea exactly what I need to be doing. I had my time to chill and play video games, to sit around eating pizza all day, and to lean on my “proficiency with Microsoft Office” and “I know how to run SFC a few times and call it good” as my only decent skills — that was my 20’s. Now, I’m about challenge. I want to fail — because if I fail at even a few of the things I try, the things I succeed at will be incredible simply by the amount of stuff I take on.

I feel an energetic pride when I tell people I get up at 3:45 for the gym, I love telling my story and my schedule. It’s hectic, but I make time for what’s important — myself, my wife/doggos, and my friends. Everything, and I mean everything comes into those categories for me. Gym? Me(I kind of like this life thing, I think I’d like to stay). School? Wife and doggos (more brains = more pays, bigger house, more land, more time in the long run). What are your pillars?

So why are you so jacked up?

Let me tell you in a short (see, it’s funny because this post isn’t short) little goal/fear setting thing that I don’t put out there because I had heard once to not tell people what you’re doing, just do it, then let them know when you’ve done it. That might work for some, and does for me to an extent, but it also is helpful to be held accountable by peers and even strangers. I’m back in school after a decade out — some of it comes naturally (reading, comp, history, science) and some of it is working the mind muscle to relearn what you should “get” (math.).

- I’m getting a degree in Computer Science with a specialization in AI/Machine Learning.

- I’m getting into great shape, by going to the gym early in the morning I get my body and mind fired up before most people are even awake.

- I’m constantly working on refining discipline, focus, and ambition (may have another post for a read/playlist that currently has me so energized it made me write my very first story here)

- I’m pursuing Microsoft Certification for Office 365 (70–346/70–347)

- I’m doing a bit of HTML/CSS/JS learning

I’m spending the remainder of what little time that leaves with my friends and family. Don’t misunderstand — this is the most important by far. It’s about maximizing the time and appreciating those around you. I have a wife that I honestly can’t believe loves me as fiercely as she does, I have dogs that just want to be cuddled every waking moment, I have friends that make me laugh all night until my cheeks and abs hurt. I am fortunate, and that fact is not lost on me.

I read on Medium/LinkedIn often about 12 habits that every billionaire does so I should that, or the 1 thing Warren Buffet needs me to know right this moment. Those don’t inspire me — what inspires me is the the others. The scrappy startups, the kids learning and sticking with it, the failures, the successes, the ones truly making it for themselves. I firmly believe that even though they may not quantify it, they have mental toughness, and it’s important to identify if you do, or if you need to work on it.

So what do I do?

Just that. You do. When was the second best time to make yourself a force for positive change in your team/company/family/life?10 minutes ago. When is the best time? Right damn now. How will you react when shit hits the fan? Not with emotion, not with aggression, not with panic. You’ll simply act. You might be like me and just need some background encouragement, and for that I’ve got parting gifts below. You might need a mentor, you might need to chat with someone and just have the conversation you don’t want to have. But all of it takes action, not from me, them, or we. From you. Just remember to always be, as Stuart Scott(RIP) said,

Cooler than the other side of the pillow

What happens if you ‘just do’?

You’ll be shocked at how much more your name is brought up, you’re considered for that raise, or promotion. If you truly exhibit mental toughness, you get a reputation for being bulletproof, for being stoic, and being unshakeable. These are characteristics of leaders. This is what takes you from being Tier I to Tier III without question. What’s in it for me? Is an alternative question — everything is yours to gain or yours to lose…if only you get to action.